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Stories of teenagers from south Israel about their fear, feelings and LIFE.
written at 09.01.09, in 22:55
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Another Reality
Danna Nuriel,17 years old , from Ashkelon


 

So it’s the weekend. It means that this week is over. And maybe this week there will be school.

This week started for me in a normal school atmosphere. I’ve been to Hadera for six days. Six days in which I’ve been out of Ashkelon, but Ashkelon stayed inside me. News, phone calls, anxieties…  Some really not pleasant recalls of the fact that even if I ran away, there’s still a war in the shout. And I missed home. So Tuesday evening I already got home.

When I came back I got not such a good welcoming. An alarm. Instinctively I dragged myself and my dog to the shelter, and closed the door. .. While I was waiting for the explosion sound, as I always do, I was thinking… Why do I get into the shelter anyway? (to protect myself). From what?? (From a direct hit on my house).

And then it hit me.

Every single alarm, one of those rockets could just land on my house, get explode in it, destroy every memory of my life. Destroy every chance for me to move on, destroy everything I’ve built. Wreck my stability and just break me. And then stupid thoughts of staying outside the shelter gone through my head, because why should I even protect myself while my home is exposed?  Really fast sobering-up made me think logically, and get reminded of the fact that everything material has no meaning.

And I just wanted to go back to the silence of Hadera, to relaxation, to the calmness compared to what’s going on here. On Wednesday it hit me again. A Grad rocket landed on my street. It already got really close for several times… But it’s the first time it hits that close. On my street.

Yesterday I’ve already dragged myself out of town, because for how long can I stay home doing nothing? I had so much fun. I really enjoyed myself despite of the horrible night I’ve been through, including alarms in the middle of the night, including not even a minute of sleeping because even when you fall asleep you need to keep one ear open in case of a need to run in the middle of the night. When I came back home I just cracked. The number of the people who got killed in Gaza got to 800, a number I just can’t get. Soldiers are getting killed. Hundreds of soldiers are fighting in this right moment for me. For my feeling of security. They risk their lives so I won’t have to risk mine. In one hand it’s warming my heart and I feel I want to hug every single one of them, thank them. In the other hand, I want to get them out of there. Because there’s no need… I’m not hurt yet, and what are the chances I will? Leave it, it’s not so bad, I’ll get over the alarms. I’ll sleep a little less. I can even get used to this and go to school… What are the chances a rocket will hit the school anyway?

The main goal is that this whole crazy deal will over, and no more people will get hurt. But it just won’t stop.

Shabbat shalom and a quiet weekend.

I wish this whole think will over soon. 

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